"I'm pregnant!!" she announced at the lunch table.
Immediately my spirit and flesh went to war. "Smile, smile, smile," I heard myself thinking. "This is a cause for celebration, not tears." Somehow I managed not to cry. This precious moment, one my dear friend had been praying for earnestly, felt like just another blow. Just another thing I want so badly, but it's not my time to have.
Of course the issue is not about my friends pregnancy, at all. In fact I've been praying for this alongside her! No, no. The issue is much grander in scope, comprised of the fact that my other best friends are in the process of adopting a baby girl and my sister? She is in the fun, early stages of dating a guy she really likes. Then of course there's the string of couples on social media that got engaged over the holidays. And let's not forget the guy from college who everyone knew to be a not-so-great guy, yet he also found the love of his life one year post-grad and they are, you guessed it, pregnant.
And here's the deal. It hurts. It hurts to watch everyone else get what you want; to fall in love, land that big job, start their family. You begin to wonder at all the mistakes you've made and you can't help but think you're being punished. Put in timeout, having to wait your turn, because you messed up just one time too many. Of course this is a lie the enemy is circulating. He wants my sin to follow me around. But also maybe, just maybe, it is time for me to wait my turn and play the cheerleader for my friends. There's the other part of me that realizes I am 25 and the option to pout is long gone. I have to step up to the plate and act in opposition to how I feel. And not just by faking it. It is actually my responsibility to genuinely celebrate the hearts in my community. Like Scripture says, "A friend loves at all times," (Proverbs 17:17). Not just when it feels good or I happen to be in a happy place; at all times.
Yet, I can't help but ask, how? How do I in the empty places that ache for the same things they're experiencing love on and celebrate their full places? How do I set aside those feelings that rush up when they share their news? How do I wait patiently? With each question I beg of the Lord He replaces it with this same Scripture:
“For I will pour water on the thirsty ground and send streams coursing through the parched earth. ”
And I realize, that's the HOW. If I believe God really is Who He says He is, then I also have to believe He is not holding out on me. Because to be jealous of what someone else has or experiences is just that: believing God does not have the best in store for me.
Does that make it easy? Hardly. But it makes me grow and it draws me closer to the feet of God where I am forced to lay it all down and say, "I can't. Take it." And He will. He will pour water on the thirsty ground.
So may we celebrate those who are experiencing big life changes as true friends. I promise He will sustain our hearts, just as He is sustaining our loved ones. And when you feel as though you cannot be sincere in your gladness tell Him, and He will send streams coursing through the parched earth.