Torrey Pines flew to the top of my list of favorite places the moment I was swept through the entrance by the local ocean breeze. The unending phases of blue from sky to ocean, luscious traces of green from tee box to fairway to green, and of course, the sourdough butter-soaked grilled cheese we daily devoured kept me from feeling anything but content. Whilst all of my senses were engaged, my heart was constantly filling to the brim, pouring over and filling back up again with the realization that I was getting to soak all of this beauty in. As I've mentioned in posts past, something about being out on a golf course gives me serene joy.
Despite my heart's shallow contentedness, I found my mind constantly analyzing the people and players around me. Whether out on vacation or in Target, somehow as humans we find a way to immediately begin comparing ourselves to those around us. Often holding ourself in low-esteem while elevating someone who has a different, not necessarily better, life than our own. Or vice versa.
I've written before about the struggle of wanting someone else's life and I've also written about my affection/admiration for the PGA. But I don't think I've been clear that those two desires, more often than not, combine for me. It's become a bit of a problem in my heart to the extent that for a long time now I have begged the Lord to take away my love of golf. I allowed what I enjoyed become so distracting and dictating over my heart that it kept me in a state of covetousness and from giving God my big dreams.
So as you can imagine, I expected the Farmer's Insurance Open to only magnify my struggle. Instead, I believe the Lord used this vacation to open my eyes and the smoke lifted on something I've glamorized for years. On our last day at Torrey I watched a pro act in a very real and selfish way. He blatantly refused to acknowledge a person he clearly knew, making them feel smaller than necessary. This interaction, or lack there of, helped me see clearly that people are people no matter what they do for a living and no matter how exciting their career may be. As my PawPaw's wife likes to say, "Everyone has to put their pants on and take them off the same way everyday." And how very true that is!
Our lives can look prettier than we ever imagined on social media. But all of the beautiful golf course travels cannot hide who we really are ---> Human. The luxury and idealistic lives we see coming through our phone everyday don't display struggles or the need for Jesus as much as they seem to show how lacking our own lives are. However, my experience proved otherwise and even people with seemingly perfect lives have room for growth.
I feel like my little adventure to Torrey Pines was a reality check. I feel as though the Lord answered my prayer and released my desire to live a tour life. I finally saw it for what it is, not what it appears to be. Does this mean I won't still struggle with wanting a life that is not mine? No, it doesn't. But I do feel that my heart shifted and I was able to hand over to the Lord what I'd been clutching in my hands for so long and can now enjoy the sport without actually worshipping it.