“Life’s too short not to do what you love. You’re going,” my dad’s text replied. His response to my question of “will you guys pray with me about going to this conference, She Speaks,” humbled me deeply.
I consider my writing, the pouring out of my heart through words, a hobby. I enjoy it immensely and feel as though the Lord uses it to heal me and hopefully, others. So my father’s generosity seemed grand. And when I landed in Concord, NC, I was overwhelmed with a lot of feels about how I was not deserving to be so treated. This was all just too much. I was not worthy of this gift.
But those are the types of parents the Lord blessed me with. The ones that say you are worthy. They are a sincere reflection of our heavenly Father's heart. So this post is not just a recap of my experience, it is a tribute to my parents for believing in my desires and fostering a life for me to run fast after my dreams and to run fast after the Father.
As I sat in my chair amongst 800 other women in that Embassy Suites conference room, I felt the Lord whisper, "you are here to absorb. Just bear witness." And so I did. I hadn't arrived with any expectations but what I didn't realize was that I was there to bear witness to a movement. A movement of women cheering on women, encouraging vulnerability and simply offering their most to the Father.
There was no fuss or fanciness to their vulnerability. It was pure belief. Belief that God is who He says He is. Belief that God can do what He says He can do. Belief that we are all God says we are.
You could feel the belief in each room, in each workshop, in each heart. These women were simply showing up. They were doing the “next hard thing.” Meeting the Father where He said He would be with hearts hungry to be used.
Saturday morning I read the portion of Numbers where the Lord takes Moses up into the Abarim Mountains overlooking the Promised Land. The place where he gets to see everything he’s been leading the Israelites towards, working towards, fighting for. The place he’ll never get to experience. Because Moses “didn’t honor (the Lord) in holy reverence before (the people) in the matter of the waters… in the Wilderness of Zin,” (27:14).
And it had me thinking about this whole writer’s biz and the women at She Speaks. What if everything we are pouring out, everything we are working for, fighting against, what if it is something we will never get to experience.
You see when God encourages you to share your gifts, you expect them to be received. And to know they’ve been received. But what if we don’t get to enjoy that. What if this is simply about honoring the Lord and believing Him for who He is and watching someone else get to take our hard work into the Promised Land. Is it enough? Is it still worth it? Is God still who He says He is?
I have to say that it is. But it is not an easy or automatic response of mine. Here's why I say that it is worth it: When I look at Moses’s life I see who he spent almost all of his time with. The Father. He knew Him intimately, passionately, deeply. So I would say although Moses never set foot in the Promised Land, all of his energy and purpose spent in the Wilderness was worth knowing the Lord in a way most of us could never imagine.
I am thankful for She Speaks and how my eyes were opened through the obedience of those 800 women, testifying that God is Who He Says He is. Simply there to meet with him, saying that this is all worth it. I don't get a book deal? Worth it. No one reads my blog? Worth it. Because You have called me and You are worth it.
So friend, no matter your gifts or what you think you’re working towards→ IT IS WORTH IT! Because when the Father calls you into vulnerability it is not for results, social media likes, or glory. It is for intimacy, humility and a greater understanding that God is Who He Says He is. How special to know he wants us so close.
