Recently, I've found myself crying at the most random, simplest things. Not like busting out sobs over here. But weepy, "I'm so upset Friday Night Lights is over," Noah and Allie kind of tears. Part of me thinks I'm being such a girl. And the other part of me is relieved the soul of my heart is softening. At my core, tears are a healthy daily vitamin. Yet, I spent the better part of 2015 without them.
It's crazy how when we continually shut ourselves down or shut truth out, the little things disappear. Then those little things build a big wall and suddenly you are cold hearted.
You think if you ignore the Holy Spirit, that sinking in your gut, that prompting in your heart, the sound of your heartbeat in your ears, if you ignore all of that just this once, you'll catch Him next time. Funny thing about next time...He's not quite as loud. But you know what is? Your fears, insecurities, desperate need for instant gratification.
This all sounds so basic. So Sunday School of me to say, right? Yet, the question must be begged, how do we get from black and white to gray? Why are things more confusing the older we get? How did the 12 year old version of myself know if I was a person of integrity, but at 24 the answer varies?
I think all of this stems from that one time ignoring of the Holy Spirit's prompting. That's how we muddy the waters. That coupled with not believing God at His Word. For why would we ignore the Holy Spirit in the first place if we believed God at His Word?
There is so much to learn on actually believing God versus simply believing in God. And we will all die trying to perfect the former.
I recently read an old Rabbi saying that what God promises us, we can already accept as accomplished because the Lord is outside of time. Thus, what He says will happen, already has! I loved this because I felt like it helped me understand how to process the promises He puts before me. I also felt like that concept helped me to know Him better.
As I was journaling the other night, I felt the Lord give me the vision of an arrow and how it can be divided into 3 parts: the quills, the shaft and the arrowhead. The quills represent the influencers in your life. Your family, friends, social media, your job, music you listen to... you get the idea. The shaft is your core. It's who you are. Your personality, character, beliefs. And the arrowhead represents the Lord's vision and direction for you-in life and in various seasons of life as well.
Here's the point: Without you, the core and shaft of the arrow, there is no arrow. You are God's connector between the quills in your life and His vision/direction for you. But you should choose your quills wisely, because they determine where your arrow goes, or if it flies at all. One broken quill and your arrow has no direction. Determining what your arrowhead is and the direction it flies in, well, that rests between you and the Holy Spirit. Which brings me back to what I was saying earlier about ignoring Him even just that once. When you do that, you are removing your arrows. You take away your sense of direction. And we all know, without vision the people perish.
So take it from the girl who got her weepy tears back: instead of ignoring the heartbeat sound in your eardrums, next time ask, what is my arrowhead? Am I about to break a quill?
“Form your purpose by asking for counsel, then carry it out using all the help you can get...The very steps we take come from God; otherwise, how would we know where we are going?”